This is my confession. I was tricked into accepting God back into my life.
Yes, you read that right, I was tricked. Duped. Hoodwinked. Bamboozled – or perhaps more accurately, I was enticed by fireworks. After all, simple things amuse simple minds and as soon as my friend told me they were doing backyard fireworks that night and that I could come if I would like then I was committed to going at any cost – even if that meant going to Prayer Group as well – because fireworks.
That first step
I had very low expectations when I arrived at Prayer Group. Other than feeling terrified that everyone would see me as a fraud who had (very explosive) ulterior motives for being there, all I felt was skeptical. I had images in my head of everyone holding hands in a circle while chanting in Latin. The sad thing is, I was raised Catholic and went to a Catholic high school so I knew this wasn’t what Catholics were like and yet I couldn’t shake this image from my head. I even asked my friend if it was going to have a “kumbaya” feel to it. The look on her face perfectly summed up how crazy that question was but to her credit, she still answered in her gallant effort to evangelise me. What I actual experienced that night was more than I ever thought possible for a self-proclaimed Agnostic.
Opening my heart
The only way I can explain it is that the ice around my heart was shattered. For the first time in forever I felt warmth in my chest again. Every beat of my heart felt like it was pumping blood around the whole world. It sounds dramatic (and a wee bit painful) but it’s honestly how finally opening you heart up to Jesus after 21 years feels like. I guess that’s what makes it so cool. If I was rejected for that long I’m pretty sure I would test the waters with this person before diving in but Jesus was just so happy that He threw his arms around me and gave me the biggest hug ever. I’m pretty sure that hug is still going on now and He has no plans of ending it any time soon.
Ch-Ch-Changes
It’s strange the things that change in your life once you accept God’s love. Most notably, Mass is now my favourite part of the week, whereas in the past I would only ever step foot inside a Church if my mum was forcing me to and it was usually under extensive protest. Even the words during Mass have a different meaning to me now. I used to get extremely angry whenever people would recite “Lord, I am not worthy that You should enter under my roof” – I always thought ‘what kind of God wants us to feel unworthy?!’ and now I’ve never said anything with more reverence. My Worship songs are easily at the top of my most played songs on Spotify and at the beginning of this year I spent ten days in the middle of nowhere worshipping God and learning more about my faith. It sounds like a cliché to say that I’m a new person but in all honesty, God’s love has wiped away the sins of my past and regardless of how stupid I feel for rejecting Him for so long, He loves me like you wouldn’t believe.
It’s all about the people
Coming home to Jesus can be an incredibly daunting thing to do, especially when you’ve avoided doing it for so long. What I think is the most important tool for anyone wanting to embark on this journey is a good, supportive group of friends. The people who have helped and supported me truly were sent by God and I’m so blessed to have them. The best thing any of us can do is to be there for all of our friends, even you Catholic ones who have already found Jesus, as we have no idea what is happening in their journey. Pray for them, love them, and care for them and they will be able to feel God’s love through you.
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